Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Of marriage

Back to blogging after a long hiatus. And with some really good news ! A close friend of mine got married recently. Umm...Correction - she re-married recently.
N is a phone buddy. We've been talking for several years
now. When we spoke first, she was newly married to someone. One could hear it in her voice. Evidently she found it hard to contain her excitement. And over a period of time, she withdrew into her shell, and refused to talk. One such quiet evening, she told me she was divorced.

I said all that a friend would say, and coaxed her to get back with him. She would not listen, and stayed single for almost a couple of years. All this while, our conversations would include her ubiquitous tip on why to never get married. Living hell, she would say.
And then she called me a week ago with this wonderful piece of news. Her new hubby is a doctor (what's this huge impression with the medical profession?), it's his first wedding, he's totally OK with her situation, and best of all, he is head over heels in love with her.
The difference in voice was obvious. She had gone back to her old excited self, with a tad of maturity thrown in.
Then she popped the million-dollar question - So A, when are you getting married ?
Before I could throw open my jaw in shock, she gave me a whole lecture on how one should not delay one's wedding.
Being single at 28 is a tough task in this country. People's imaginations run wild when they hear 'single', and almost instantaneously there are a hundred reasons in their minds as to why one should be so. Rather, it's treated as an illness. My previous landlord refused to lend me an apartment when he heard of my marital status - he actually thought I was in the trade!
A few months ago, I was on the lookout for an apartment, and contacted a real estate agent via the company. He turned out to be an old hag with an older scooter. The apartment is really close to the office, and he agrees to take me there on his motorized bicycle. In the course of conversation, I casually mention that I'm not married. He screeches the object to a halt and makes me follow him in an auto, leaving me speechless. Needless to say, I used the auto to return home.

And it does not end there,especially not in my village. My mother is now immune to the 'Is she not married yet?! My daughter who studied with her now finished two marriages and three children !' conversations. People want to know why, oh why I'm single. Maybe I have a boyfriend ?! Or worse, a girlfriend ?! A problem with my horoscope ?! Too much pride ?! Too little money ?! A black cat?! A torn t-shirt ?

Eyebrows rise the moment a bachelor walks into my apartment. Or when I crack some jokes with my guy friends. Or when I travel somewhere with them. Or even when I laugh out loud.

Lessons learnt :

1. Married bliss is definitely a perspective thing. The same person in two different relationships gives entirely different advice.

2. No matter how innocent or legitimate the reason for staying single, people refuse to listen. Not that it matters, though.

3. Married folks go green with jealousy when they see carefree singles. They just can't take it, hence they force the singles into a similar fate.

4. The song 'When I was single - my pockets would jingle -oh
I want to be single again' is true to the T. A lot of my married friends are bankrupt and have loans to pay for the next 20 years.

Three cheers to all the singles out there !


daagini said...

I agree... newly married people especially are huuuugeee pests to be around... they totally insist marriage is the right thing to do. Their hubby is the only person to be with and whoever needs friends is the attitude!

One year down the line, reality seems to sink in, and then its all the hubby blues and the baby blues and just blues all over the place and thats when girls seem to re-establish friendships which they forgot amidst the marriage business.

Anonymous said...

So true, daagini ! Thanks for hopping over to my blog !


Hard to Handle said...

Hey girl, profound logic...I nod vigorously at lesson no 3, have seen most married people do that.

But what it all boils down to is that I, albeit in a very happy marriage, would love to be single all over again. Its this flagrant sense of grass being greener on the other side that makes me go Doh! sometimes...

Great blog, with multiple feelings of If Only. Green with envy at your Orkut status, girl...

Brijesh said...

nice one! I was wondering why you had just a long break from blog.

Keep writing! I am repeating what I use to tell you- You can write very well and try to write more.

I am forwarding this post to

T|ttozz said...

But who will take care of us if we stay single..
We will feel lonely rite
So the better bet is adjust with our other half and get a companion rite ?

Sachin R K said...

I love this quote: "Marriage is like a beseiged fortress - those outside are desperate to get in , those inside want to get out" - though not sure its true to your situation.

Chitra Shenoy said...

Well, nice write up..:))

I personally think it is better to be single than in an unhappy realtionship..I may not be the right person to say so as I am married for past 2 years..;)..But being single or wanting to get married is a personal choice, nobody should push a person..

And even if you marry coming under pressure there wont be any question to be popped by the ever gossiping public will be ' why you are not having babies '..The interference continues!

Anonymous said...

@All : Thank you for your comments ! Hope to see you again soon !

- Stayinpositive